So, for someone who’s motto for the latter half of college was “C’s get degrees,” guess who got a 4.0?!?
But someone, I’m sure.
But heck I got OUT OF THERE! I wore the cap and gown, wore some hecka high high heels (that I still have scabs from two weeks later #worthit) and I walked across that stage and shook some random peoples’ hands. I honestly can’t tell you who ANY of those people were–they could have put a garbage man in robes and I would have acted like he was the VIP. and THEN, the kicker, my mom took a video of me walking across stage and she thought I was the person behind me on the stairs, so she zoomed in on that girl, but it looked like she was just zooming STRAIGHT IN on my butt. So that was cool, she posted it on Facebook and tagged me in it, so that was enjoyed by all.
But anyway, the post grad life (for a week) has been SWEET. The day after graduating, I went out to a campsite and burned ALL the papers from my senior year.
And then I went to Utah to hang for a bit before coming home and realizing…
I don’t know what I’m doing now.
So there it is. For all you people who are like “hey what are you doing now that you’re done with college?” I haven’t thought that far, k?
So then I saw a post on my singles ward Facebook page and it called for physical laborers (vague… very vague) and I thought “well I’m real weak but I need money” so I call the guy and it turns out he sands…water slides. So I’ve been spending the week in various parts of the state on waterless water slides sanding them down so that the outer gel coat comes off. And when it comes off, guess where it goes? ALL OVER ME. So I’ve been a smurf and a yellow-bellied sneech so far on this journey.
I actually went into the bathroom of the neighboring golf course on a lunch break to clean up and this lady saw me and, after doing a double take, she goes “what are you wearing all over you??” As if I chose that particular fashion to go out and golf in.
“oh, you know…just last season’s shade of water slide.”
The worst part about it is that it gets all up in my eyes and everything is covered in sand dust so I can’t wipe my eyes and so I just have to turn off my sander and cry in the middle of the water slide for a minute until I can see again. What a metaphor for my life though, right?
And of course, I am probably going to kill myself by doing this because I wreck myself so easily. I have already sliced my finger, ripped through my jeans and cut my knee, bruised up my knees and elbows, and then I FELL OFF the slide right on my back and now I walk like an old man. Which old man? My dad, to be exact. I limp like I’m a sixty-year old with a recent knee replacement.
And as if that isn’t bad enough for my image, I decided to get a haircut. I have never liked my hair short, but I got this perm a few years ago that never fell out completely, so I’ve been chopping it out, and I wanted to finish the job. Then I thought I might get bangs while I’m at it cuz why not. So I’m telling the lady that and she’s like “oh, like a Chinese lady haircut?” and it’s too late to back out now so I’m like “…yeeeah…” thinking that it’s not like my face is very Chinese-looking so it’s not going to look that Chinese. And I was right. I don’t look Chinese. I look like freakin Will Byers from Stranger Things.
Tbh, I really do think it’s a terrible cut, but I’m so beyond caring. I think it’s hilarious. And thankfully it doesn’t look too bad if I pin back my bangs or put my hair up.
So that is my post grad life so far. Lookin like a 12 year-old boy, walkin like a 60 year-old man, and covered in random colored water slide gel coating. #noragrets
Stay tuned, the heckfest is only beginning.